Troy Stoneking asserts that over 25 years of marriage, he has learned to understand the value of little things. “I’m not perfect, I still make mistakes, but I try to do my best at being a good husband”, he says.
Troy thinks that his wife should never have even the slightest doubt that he loves her. If you want the same kind of perfect relationship, we recommend reading Troy’s 11 simple rules he applies to achieve this.
1. I do simple chores
This morning, I emptied the dishwasher and she was so appreciative. I often help with the laundry and make the bed. Simple chores show her I care about making our house feel like a home.
2. I focus on her needs first
I always ask what she wants to eat for dinner rather than suggesting my own preference. When running together, we set a pace that works for her. It’s her, then me. It’ not me being a doormat. It’s me respecting her needs.
3. I listen without fixing
When she wants to share, I sit and listen. Sometimes I ask questions to let her dig deeper into her thoughts and emotions. I don’t try to solve the problem unless asked. I’ve messed this up a few times before I got in the habit of just listening. Women often just want to talk through their feelings, while men feel compelled to offer a quick fix. Sometimes that’s not what she wants. Just listen. You’ll figure it out.
4. I treat her gently
My wife never hears a harsh tone from me. She doesn’t have to worry about me being threatening. I love her too much to be anything but gentle with her. When we disagree, I don’t give my emotions control of my speech and actions. Instead I remember how much she means to me and treat her with grace.
5. I use kind and grateful words
Using kind words is the verbal iteration of gentleness. When I speak to my wife, my language is amply sprinkled with pleases and thank yous. She receives more of my verbal appreciation than anyone else in my life. I make sure she often hears how much her actions mean to me.
6. I compliment her
When she tries a new outfit or hairstyle, I notice, and I compliment her on it. When we are with friends, I tell them of the many great things she does. I love how she paints, how she gets out and runs in the worst of weather, how she cares so much for others.
Because I love her, I compliment her for these things all the time. I compliment her just as much or more when she’s not around. I want the whole world to know that she is an amazing person!
7. I take responsibility
Certain things like taking out the trash, making sure the lawn is mowed, and doing small repair jobs are my responsibility in our home. When it’s my job, I do it. Sometimes I’m a little slow, but it still gets done. I don’t want to put any additional burdens on her.
8. Listen, apologise, and change
I’m a runner. At this point, 3 miles is a breeze for me. Recently my wife pointed out that when I say «It’s just 3 miles,» I may be unintentionally insulting others. She helped me remember that 3 miles used to be a huge distance to me, and that kindness means thoughtfully treating everyone with respect, no matter where they are on their journey. I don’t use those words anymore.
9. I ask for her opinion
When I have a difficult decision ahead, I ask her for her input. She is intelligent, insightful, and aware of the feelings of others. Her advice is always valuable.
10. I support her dreams
On her last birthday, I gave my wife a gift certificate to a local art studio. She loves to paint and this will allow her to buy supplies and enjoy more classes. I want her to follow her dreams, so I support her in practical ways.
11. I tell her I love her
Every day, several times per day, I tell my wife I love her. It never loses its power and I’m always sincere. She does the exact same thing for me. I want to make sure there is never any question she knows she’s the one I love most.
My words and actions have a great effect on how my wife feels every day. Doing everything I can to make her happy is part of my commitment to our marriage. As partners, we need to consistently and sincerely strive to make a priority of our partner’s happiness.
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