My husband cheated on me over 2 years ago, and I divorced him the moment I found out about it. I didn’t’ want to reconcile or anything, I was just done with him, and there was nothing he could have done to change my mind. To me, I was released from my marriage vows the moment he broke his.
The other woman was all “you’re not woman enough for him” and wanted to start with me, but I told her many times before blocking her that she could have him.
That annoyed me ex who then tried to win me back because I guess he didn’t like the fact that I didn’t want to fight over him – he kept telling me, this is why he cheated because I wasn’t willing to fight for “us.” I don’t see the point of fighting for “us” if he wasn’t until he got caught.
Him trying to win me back naturally annoyed the other woman, but of course, she took it out on me. I ended up threatening her with a restraining order if she didn’t stop contacting me and told her that my ex was hers to do whatever she wanted and that there was no chance I was taking him back so leave me alone. She (thankfully) left me alone after that. My ex gave up too eventually, and I got a great job elsewhere and moved out of state.
Fast forward 2 years ahead, she’s pregnant and yup, he’s cheating on her with someone else. Who saw that coming right?
Now she found me on my new FB account and wants to meet up and commiserate because she’s fallen victim to him too.
I’m sitting here like – why you surprised? You KNEW what he was capable of because you helped him cheat. I don’t owe you any commiseration just because 1) I’m a “sister” and 2) unlike you, I didn’t go into this with eyes wide open.
I’m perfectly OK not being some noble, benevolent, forgiving individual because I’ve got my life to a place where I’m happy again, I have a great job, I love my new city, and I’m 4 months into a relationship with a wonderful man.
I don’ t want any remnants of this drama in my life.
I don’t need to be told I’m betraying the sisterhood (like where was the sisterhood when you were banging a married man?) I’m not his “victim.” I divorced him, and I’m happy now, I’m just glad I didn’t have kids with this guy.
I get that the “nice” or “warm and fuzzy” thing to do would be all “stem the tide of malice, and pour into the wounded bosoms of each other the balm of sisterly consolation” Jane Austen style but no.
I feel like letting her into my life is just letting my ex into my life too.
I don’t see why I’m being pressured into taking the high ground all the time. It doesn’t give me satisfaction or make me happy.
I was told to be the “bigger person” when my husband cheated, and I wanted to divorce. Apparently staying with him would have been the “noble” thing too because marriage is forever. I didn’t.
I was told to be the “bigger person” when he wanted to come crawling back “because he’d seen the error of his ways” and accepting him back would be the “noble” thing to do as a wife.
I don’t think staying with a cheater is particularly noble. I respect people who do, but they aren’t more or less courageous to me than people who don’t. You have to do what is going to make you happy in the long term and for me, staying wasn’t it.
Now I’m being told to be the bigger person by the woman who helped my husband cheat.
I don’t owe her a thing, but I really hate that being told to be the “bigger person” for me has always resulted in someone else’s benefit, not mine but it’s always positioned in a way that “best for me.” How convenient.
I probably sound bitter, but I’m more angry at the fact that I have done nothing wrong, done everything I can do to get away from my ex and his drama but it’s still affecting me.
Anyway, I’m going to block her and move on but just wanted to get this off my chest.
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