My mom and me have a great relationship. I don’t mean to brag, but she’s been the best mom I could ever have wished for. Better than all my friend’s moms too. My dad and younger brothers are great too. My home life has always been, well, normal.
Today I heard something I’m not sure I can take in. I went to visit my grandparents. They live about five minutes from us and always had an open door policy. They’re getting a bit deaf, so it was normal to just walk in and shout when you got near the living room door.
My granddad was talking quite loudly to my grandmother about me. About how traumatic everything was before and after I was born. More fool me, but I listened.
Basically… my dad is not my dad. My mother was raped, and I’m the result. I’m crying even as I write this. I didn’t wait around and took off home. My dad could sense something was wrong as I was locked up in my room crying for a couple of hours.
My dad took me out to a small park not far from home to talk. I burst out crying when I tried to tell him what I heard. He just about heard me say that I knew about the rape and stuff before I collapsed into a sobbing mess.
He just held me and told me it was alright. When I had pulled myself together, he asked me how much I knew so I told him.
Dad took us back home and sent me into the dining room while he got mom. He told her what this was all about before she arrived in so she was well prepared for the crying fit I had the minute I saw her. I was way more upset about it all than she was. She just wanted to make sure I was alright.
We talked, and there is soooooo much more to my family’s history than I ever thought! My mom was married before she met my dad. She was too young – like 18! – and my grandparents didn’t approve. This man – gonna refer to him as B – was a bit older and soon afterward moved them to fairly well-known city that I won’t name. B became incredibly controlling and abusive to her which explains a lot really. She’s really defensive of me with boyfriends.
The marriage started falling apart after about a year, and she planned on leaving him by going home. When she told him that it was over, B beat her black and blue and raped her in their flat.
I admit I got really choked up at that part, but my mom was like a rock. I’ve never seemed her so calm and reassuring which makes me feel like shit because I should have been helping her. She told me that afterward she was petrified of him and ended up staying in their small flat like a prisoner – only going out when he told her so. She wouldn’t tell me more about what happened, but I guess he didn’t stop taking what he wanted.
I’m not sure of the exact timeline as its still all new for me, but it was definitely a couple of months later he was taking her to the store for bits and pieces when they got into a car crash. He was killed instantly, but my mom got out with a couple of broken bones. That’s’ when they told her she was pregnant.
My mom told me she genuinely didn’t know. She went to therapy for a few years after and the guy treating her told her that sometimes the mind refuses to recognize signs like pregnancy to protect itself. Sort of like those teenagers who have babies but don’t recognize it until they are in labor. My grandparents offered to take me if she wanted but my mom told me that the minute they told her she knew she was going to keep me. Have to admit I started bawling at that point too.
She had a few pictures and things of the guy who was my father in a box upstairs and offered to show them to me, but I’m not ready for that. I asked if there were any relatives from his side hiding out there, but my mom told me that he never knew his parents or even if he had siblings. Part of why my grandparents didn’t like him was that he was troubled kid.
My parents met when I was only barely one and married when I was two. I never ever doubted that my dad was my dad ever. I mean I knew they married after I was born, but it never struck me that I might not be directly related. My mom said my dad made the decision that as far as anyone was concerned, he was my father. She had left that part about the father empty on my original birth cert so my dad had the birth re-registered so it would have his name. He says I’m his daughter, so it felt right to make it official official.
In the end, I’m still all kinds of messed up, but my mom and dad are the best. They really really are.
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