I never thought I would be writing this, for the entire time me and my boyfriend have been together, it has been such a perfect relationship. We have grown through a lot of difficult problems, and I truly thought our relationship would weather past it all.
Let me start back when I first met my boyfriend, we were both in our senior year of college. My boyfriend was hopeless when it came to women, but we had a project in a business class we took together, and he was a really warm and nice spirited guy. We started talking, and soon enough we were dating.
He had terrible fashion sense, still wore super baggy jeans, wore oversized T-shirts. I helped him out past all of that. And no I wasn’t the overbearing girlfriend, he flat out asked me for my advice.
After college, we both started working for accounting firms, and we were apart from each other for a year. But then we both actually got a job at the same company, so we stayed together in an apartment. This was really when things in our relationship started getting serious. Both of our parents and our family members both were talking about us getting married down the road. My boyfriend and I were making serious plans.
Then things hit busy season, and a lot of our plans got pushed back. My boyfriend actually started getting promoted in the company and he actually was responsible for managing interns, and it really started getting to his head. I could sense the distance between us growing.
The time when I knew things were bad, was when he had a training assignment out of state, and I went to contact him, and he would be annoyed at me reaching out to talk to him. It broke my heart, we were together for so long, and now, I was the crazy one for wanting to ask him how his training was going after three days not talking to each other.
When he came back, we had an actual talk, and he pointed things out. He said that moving up in the corporate world is hard enough as it is. And that I am not contributing anything to it. He said that I am “too ghetto” and that black women have no class. He said that he has seen the girlfriends of his white friends and that the reason why he doesn’t go to company house parties and holiday events is because of me. That I ill embarrass him with my nappy hair.
I cried so hard that night; I don’t know how all of this happened. How did I go from a man that thought I was the best thing that ever happened in his life, to a man that thought he was too good for me. I just feel broken. I know our relationship even if we stay together will not be the same. A part of me really thinks that he just used me as a “step up” to get to the girls he always wanted.
If he was to tell me, hey I find white women’s physical features more attractive, I can at least understand that. But he doesn’t have the courage to do that. Instead, he had to degrade black women saying that we aren’t good enough.
I told his mom about him, and she told me that she would talk to her son about it. She was visibly upset & shocked that her son was acting the way he was because she didn’t raise him to be a racist. That night, he spoke to me. He tried to apologize for the way he made me feel, but I don’t think I can trust his apology given all the things he said about black people over time. He might not be overtly racist, but I can’t trust someone who thinks less of people based on the color of their skin. There is no way I am taking him back.
A part of me is happy that I am not raising a daughter with a man that harbors these hateful views. But it doesn’t take away the pain. I know this is ranty, and I know it’s Sunday night. But I wanted to mourn the loss of my 4-year relationship. Thanks for everyone who took the time to read.
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